


Song For Tomorrows

by padfootagain



Category: Jackie & Ryan (2014)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 10:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfootagain/pseuds/padfootagain
Summary: Ryan is ready to stay for you, but this is Dangerous for your heart, and you prefer to let him go. But reading the song he wrote for you most definitely affects you.





	Song For Tomorrows

**Author's Note:**

> Alright… so this is about Ryan. I was listening to some French songs yesterday and some just stroke me, and I thought that some of their lyrics could fit perfectly into one of Ryan’s songs. So… I tried to take a few lyrics from here and there, translate them and put them together. I said that I tried to translate them and put them together… I’ve tried to keep the meaning and tried to find something that vaguely looks like rhymes… but let’s be honest it doesn’t rhyme, and I don’t know if it sounds good at all. That’ll teach me a lesson ;) … but I said that I would do it, and so I did it… Be nice with me, English is not my natural language, and to translate poetry is so hard (it took me almost two hours for Christ’s sake!).  
> The lyrics were taken from the following songs (all are Francis Cabrel’s songs):  
> \- Je l'aime à mourir   
> -Octobre   
> -Je t'aimais, je t'aime, je t'aimerai  
> -Gardien de nuit  
> -L'encre de tes yeux  
> I would advise you to listen to the songs L'encre de tes yeux and/or Je l'aime à mourir, as I’ve imagined that Ryan’s song would sound like either of them (Octobre is not bad either…).   
> Hope you all like it!

You were watching the sun fall down beyond the hills. September was coming to an end, the first leaves falling, changing their green shades for pale yellow or vivid orange. The wind was cold but you didn’t mind. Next to you, Ryan shifted and adjusted the blanket to cover your laps, and his caring gesture brought a smile to your lips. You reached for his hand and you held his calloused fingers in yours, resting your head on his shoulder. Summer had fled and Autumn had brought both the cold and the grey clouds.

And you knew Ryan would soon be leaving.

He was supposed to leave at the end of August. He had stayed with you one more month, watching as the weather turned from sunny days to rainy afternoons. But it was time for him to leave, and you knew it.

None of you had really spoken of what would happen to the two of you when he would go though. Would you still be a couple and wait for him? Would you leave with him? Or would the two of you merely go your separate ways from now on? Would you hold dearly on the memories you had already created together, or would you try to build new ones?

You knew that the choice was yours to make. You knew Ryan was willing to make it work. He had told you before that he would make sure to come back often if you chose to give your relationship a chance. You also knew that he would not come back to you and would let you live your life without him if you wanted this to end.

But your heart was uncertain and your head messy, and no matter for how long you thought, you could never come to a decision.

But time was playing against the two of you, and Ryan knew it. So he asked the question he dreaded so much, deciding that this moment was nor worse nor better than any other would be.

“Y/N?” he breathed, resting his cheek against your hair.

“Yes, Ryan?”

“We need to talk about us. About what will happen when…”

His voice died out in a hushed whisper but you didn’t need him to speak another word to know what he was talking about. Your heart was heavy already.

“I don’t know, Ryan,” you answered.

“You know it’s up to you,” he said. “I’ll make it work if you want us to be together.”

“I know.”

“But?”

You shrugged.

“But we are so different… what if… what if it was a dream you and I?”

You looked up at him, and you stared at his deep brown eyes for a while, both of you wrapped in a silence that only the wind was breaking.

“It doesn’t look like a dream though,” he whispered after a while. “It feels real.”

“How could it work?”

He shrugged.

“I could come back often.”

“What do you call often?” you replied, a sad expression on your face.

“I could stay then.”

You stared at him with tender eyes, and you stroked his cheek tenderly, his short beard tickling your skin.

“You would hold it against me sooner or later, if I asked you to stay,” you told him. “One day, you would regret it. I can’t let you do that for me. You can’t waste your life on me.”

“It wouldn’t be wasting my life to stay with you,” he defended himself.

But you shook your head.

“You wouldn’t be happy if you stayed here. And you deserve to be happy.”

“I wouldn’t be happy if I left either, I reckon,” he said, staring intensely at you. “I don’t think I could be happy without you.”

You gave him a sad smile.

“I don’t know, Ryan… I don’t know what we ought to do…”

“What do you _want_ to do?”

“Sometimes we can’t have what we want,” you shook your head.

“If we don’t try to get what we want, for sure, we’ll never manage to have it.”

“Ryan…”

“We can’t know until we’ve tried…”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

You felt your heart breaking in your chest. And you could read in his brown eyes that you were hurting him as well. But he deserved the sacrifice you were choosing now. Perhaps he didn’t know it yet, but he would regret it one day if he stayed here, in this little town with you. You were sure of it, it was the best thing to do…

…Wasn’t it?

“It would be mad…” you argued, trying to convince yourself as much as you tried to convince him. “And we would both end up broken hearted in the end. I think we should… just enjoy the time we have left together. And… try not to… be too much attached.”

He nodded slowly, though he didn’t seem much convinced by the last part of your speech. The truth was, you were wondering yourself who you were trying to fool with this idea of not ‘getting attached’. You already loved him. The only thing you didn’t know for sure was if he shared your feelings.

And so your brain was advising you to give up on him while you could. You were not sure about his feelings? He was about to leave town in just a few days? Then the wisest decision was to let him go and to try to forget him.

It was what your brain commanded, you had shushed your heart for now.

“I think it would be best if we… don’t try to see each other again after you’ve left.”

He nodded slowly, setting his intense stare on the landscape before you again.

“As you wish then,” he said softly. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“No, but it’s the safest option,” you answered earnestly.

“And you’re willing to choose the safest option, despite the fact that it’s not what your heart truly desires?”

You nodded slowly.

“Is there anything I could say to make you change your mind?” he asked in a whisper.

But you merely shrugged, resting you head on his shoulder again, and you let your thoughts drift away as the wind carried away some skeleton leaves…

—————————————————————————————————-

You were cuddling in his arms, your breathing now regular as you stroked his chest, drawing patterns on his skin. He kissed your forehead, humming softly to himself. You listened to his deep voice that soothed you, and you closed your eyes. But the more he hummed, the more you were certain that you didn’t know this melody of his.

“Is it a new song?” you asked, looking up at him.

He nodded.

“I think so,” he said, running a hand through your hair.

“What is it about?” you asked, resting your chin on his torso.

“I don’t know yet,” he answered, his hand moving from your hair to your temple and down to your cheekbone. “I just have a melody for now.”

“But I’m sure you know what it’s about already,” you teased, smiling.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“No, not yet.”

“Could you play it for me?” you asked, kissing his jaw.

He smiled, looking at you with tender eyes, before he would sit up and rise from your bed, not bothering with putting his clothes on.

He came back a few seconds later with his guitar, and he sat next to you in the bed again.

He remained motionless for a moment, before placing his fingers on the strings, and he slowly started to play. He was hesitant at first, but after repeating the melody a few times, he played the notes exactly like he had imagined them in his head.

He hummed softly as he played for you the same melody over and over again. It was sweet and a bit melancholic. It was soft and soon it was acting on you like a lullaby. You laid on your stomach next to him, watching him play, and when you drifted to sleep that night, the last thing you were aware of was the soothing melody that Ryan was playing next to you.

———————————————————————————————————–

He spent the next few days playing this song over and over again. You saw him writing lyrics into the little notebook that never left his side. But though you asked him over and over again, he always refused to tell you what his song was about.

And then the day you were dreading so much arrived.

Ryan had packed up his things, checked twice if he had everything. He had put on his jacket, his cap, his pack was set on his back and he held his guitar in his hand. He was ready to go. You exchanged a small smile, both of you standing there, motionless, in your hallway.

“You’re sure you’ve got everything?” you asked for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

He nodded.

“You have enough food?”

He nodded again.

“Don’t worry about me,” he told you, his tone reassuring.

But he seemed just as sad as you were at the idea of leaving your house.

“Won’t you tell me then? What your song is about?” you asked one more time, trying to earn a few more seconds by his side.

He smiled, taking a step closer to you, and he cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin back and forth in a tender gesture that made your heart skip a beat or two.

“It’s about you,” he said softly.

You smiled, tears wetting your eyes.

“Really?” you asked.

He nodded.

“Can you… can you play it for me then? Before you leave? Even if it’s not finished yet.”

He took his notebook out of his pocket.

“I think I finished it actually,” he said.

“Could you play it then?”

But he shook his head.

“I don’t think that… I… could play anything right now,” he breathed, his voice hoarse, and you could hear that his throat was tightening.

He opened the notebook and tore off a page, before folding it quickly and handing it to you.

“But… won’t you need it?” you asked.

He smiled again.

“I’ll remember this one. I’ll always remember this one…”

You clenched your jaw, trying not to cry. You knew he wasn’t really talking about this song of his…

You took the paper in your hand, thanking him.

He rested his hand against your cheek again.

“I wish… I wish I could make you change your mind about this,” he whispered.

He leaned down to kiss your brow, and before you could reply, he had turned on his heels and was walking to the door.

You watched him as he walked down the street, but you didn’t tell him to stop. You felt your tears rolling down your cheeks, but you didn’t sweep them away. You knew you had broken your heart, but you didn’t run after him.

Instead, you walked back inside your house once Ryan was out of sight, and you walked to your living room, letting yourself fall on your sofa, still holding the lyrics of his song in your hands.

You looked down at the folded sheet of paper he had given you. For a moment, you merely stared at it, before slowly unfolding the note. You smiled at the sight of his messy handwriting…

… but his words were piercing your heart…

**_Song for tomorrows_ **

****

_I used to be nothing and here I am now_

_I’m the guardian of your sleep every night_

_You erased the numbers on the clocks all around here_

_And you do your best to live in your opaline dream_

_You dance in the forests you painted_

_You built bridges between us and the sky_

_And we cross them whenever you don’t want to sleep_

_I love you so much I could die_

_But I still wish to tell you_

_That everything I have ever been able to write_

_Comes from the ink in your eyes_

_The sky says that it knows you_

_It is so beautiful, I guess it must be true_

_We’ll walk to the top of the hills_

_To watch all that October illuminates_

_The wind will make the branches break_

_And all around there’ll be skeleton leaves_

_But I still wish to tell you_

_That everything I have ever been able to write_

_Was whispered by your smile_

_Love is everywhere you look_

_And people can destroy everything they choose_

_You just have to open your arms_

_To rebuild everything all over again_

_These people who keep guns even in their baths_

_And an eye open in their beds_

_We were dreaming of Venice and freedom_

_But I hadn’t noticed that you were wearing chains_

_And as I wanted too much to stare at you I forgot_

_That I was wearing the same_

_But I still wish to tell you_

_That everything I have ever been able to write_

_Comes from the ink in your eyes_

_And even if we will never live together_

_As we are fools as we are alone_

_As there are so many of them_

_And even morality agrees with them_

_You will be walking for a long time in my dreams_

_And you’ll always be coming from where the sun rises_

_And everything I’ve ever said_

_Will bear for a long while the scent of regrets_

_But I still wish to tell you_

_That everything I have ever been able to write_

_Comes from the ink in your eyes_

The paper slowly slipped from your numb fingers, hitting the ground in silence, and you remained sitting on your sofa for a while, frozen on the spot. The only things that moved in the room were your tears as they rolled down your cheeks.

He loved you.

You hadn’t been sure before now, but now it was crystal clear. He loved you. And you loved him as well…

What were you still doing there then? Sitting idly on your couch?

You jumped up from the sofa, picked up your car keys and ran to the door.

You were still crying as you drove towards the train station. The tears were blurring the world around you, but you didn’t seem to care at all.

You drove, raging against the lazy cars that slowed you down, and the traffic lights that forced you to stop. You had to arrive at the train station before he would leave…

You were almost there, you were crossing the last kilometers before reaching the trains when you spotted Ryan as he walked next to the road. You pulled over, stopping your car just a few feet before him. He froze, recognizing your car. How could he not recognize it? You had met in that car, as you had given him a ride to town. He had never left your side since…

You jumped out of the car and ran to him, throwing yourself in his arms, making him drop his guitar in the process, but none of you seemed to care.

“I love you,” you breathed against his ear.

He closed his eyes, holding you tightly against him.

“I love you, Ryan. Please, don’t go,” you begged, your voice drenched with tears. “Stay. Stay forever. I’m sorry…”

But he shushed you, crushing his lips against yours.

When he pulled away again, he was crying as well, but there was a smile on his lips.

“I told you I could convince you,” he grinned.

You both laughed, holding on each other tightly. And you remained there for a long time, holding on each other as if your lives depended on this tight embrace.

And after this, Ryan sang often this song he had written about you…


End file.
